well, there is no choice: I will be devoting my life to the pieces of shit. I tried being silent for a while there, and they just became more vicious. I can't go outside for 5 minutes without being bitten, and when I come back the bites fester and grow. seeing as my every move is under a magnifying glass, let me then justify myself before the pieces of shit, who will then pretend to have read this. one option: when the bites begin to fester, I'll just sit there and watch them fester, in which case I'll begin to wonder what bites are for, and then I'll become someone who does not like being bitten because there is nothing I can do about it. another option: I will pretend there is something I can do about it and go with the rage and the poison. seeing as all they do is hurt me, I am not filled with desire to hurt myself. and from experience, it seems reasonable to assume that no mass genocide will be occuring any time soon, and so the best I can hope for is to try to breathe life into these zombies. of course I would prefer that they go away, but that never happens, and instead of retreating from their neverending barrage of bites, I will choose a forward direction and, for lack of options, I will be devoting my life to the pieces of shit.
am I yet justified in their eyes? never. what they want is for me to kill myself, but I will never do that, because with what life has done to me, and being unable to do anything to them, this is one of the very few things I have the power to do.