an idiotic bird is constantly pecking at me.

the boids can be made to seem like they are telling you something, but if you question a boid it will readily reveal itself to be a boid, though it will also make every effort to reduce you to its level. ideology is crucial to the boids, and they'll even tell you you have a mental illness if you don't abide by their ideology, and their boid psychiatrists will be made to define your very philosophical outlook as a mental illness. their argument often comes to: it is not a fascist society, and you have a mental illness if you say otherwise.

but what has the lynch mob ever done to bring my slavery upon themselves? my slavery is completely unfair to those who enslave me. I don't think there is anything they haven't done to me. they deserve to die, but they are already dead.
one day I suddenly became famous (without being famous). step by step, all these things that look like people just turned into complete assholes. they let me know they knew my thoughts, and then they all would cough loudly around me. this was everywhere and everyone was the same. they would exploit me in every way. when I went to people I thought I knew they were all just the same assholes with the same personality, same behaviours etc. they kept arresting me and stuff. it was amazing. then I found out it was a fantasy world, and they no longer needed to pretend they were not a herd. the omnipresent mob used their usual (though intensified) methods to drive me to kill myself, because it was the most important thing in the world (I'm told). then they arrested me and didn't let me go for a few years.
as the years passed, I had stopped having very high expectations out of life. they just kept coughing, and I kept trying to ignore it. if I talked about it they would deny it, say that I'm crazy, and corroborate each others lies as a herd. then they kept coughing, and made it very unignorable that they were doing it on purpose. I would stick pieces of plastic in my ears etc. but they showed no mercy. then I suddenly got famous, and everyone started staring at me. I devoted an entire summer staring back at them (which they would later compensate for by all touching themselves until now it's very difficult to use my eyes around them). I kept staring at them until I was starting to get famous (I also started using websites at that point). then something happened and I suddenly got famous. then a great herd of them just kept taking shots at me, conditioning me, coughing and touching themselves, making fun of me, and then all of a sudden everyone just turned against me and left me and told me to go kill myself. for some reason I had been expecting that to happen and did not let them take away my sense of self-worth, as I had done in the past. then I got famous. they are still the same. they talk in rhymes and metaphors, and indeed do tell me things I already knew. if I talked to them about the very things they seem to be saying, they would say 'have we met?' 'I am such and such' etc. it's their programming. they are all assholes, they are all the same, they exploit me and try to make me feel worthless, they make stupid faces, they take credit for qualities they do not possess, and tell me that I don't possess them when I do. they use their great numbers against me, and nothing is ever enough for them. they don't want to have a relationship with me, and in fact don't allow it, but they refuse to not have a relationship to my life, where their role is to exploit.

the thought police: I wouldn't be able to endure their hypocrisy if I didn't know it was intentional. to everything I try to do, there is a ready way to curb it. if I let them, they'll permit themselves to rape me without limit. if I stand up for myself, then I'm acting like them.

it's so crude that I almost take it seriously. they just tell me what I can and cannot do all the time.

what a bunch of assholes. you somehow don't get used to it. they send their professors to tell me there is something wrong with saying I should have rights. then they talk about a society that is not the society I see in front of my eyes. I can't go outside. everyone harasses me and teams up against me and exploits me in every way at every opportunity. they police my thoughts with physical and psychological torture. they won't stop until my eyes and ears will start to bleed. I am physically raped and mind-raped. everything I do is monitored. as a final insult, if I turn to one of them, they will just be the same lying assholes with the same hypocrisies subjecting my behaviour and speech to standards of a society that does not exist, and permits itself to treat me in any way and then denies any of it even happens.

I've almost started feeling comfortable using my eyes again, but the leeches are taking care of that. I thought maybe all they wanted was to take away my freedom of speech and my freedom to defend myself against attacks on the street, and then they'd just invade my privacy and monitor my life in a less coercive way. it seems I only got that impression because I hadn't left my house for a while. when things get very bad, they will not be there for you. but I already knew that. but they are very eager to remind me of that at every opportunity. I once used to wonder what it would be like to live in a place where everyone is just a piece of shit. they torment you, and then they even pretend to be mad at you. if there was actually a way of making them unhappy, there would be absolutely nothing more important than making them unhappy. but no, they don't feel anything. and yet I hope they die.

I'm not so much in denial these days, and so they are. if I was in denial, suddenly they would be the saints of truth. the police state: everything is founded on fear. if I talk to them, I am reminded I am talking to nothing. they can do anything, and they can deny anything.

it is a holy ritual for them to kick you when you're down.

as they don't have the slightest clue what the fuck they are doing, they can of course tell lies with completely straight faces. everyone is also the same. often it will happen that you will momentarily believe their lies, at which point they will be very quick to rape, so quick that you wouldn't even have time to correct your own thoughts before the rape arrives.

I supposedly gave the boids too much power when committing the thoughtcrime of giving them credit for qualities they do not possess. and indeed, as always, they let themselves act as though they're entitled to do anything they please. now I know what they are, and while they still try to make themselves look big by criticizing everything I do en masse, and trying to turn my words on myself (as though boids have any fucking right to anything), the most effective way for them to make themselves look big is still threats and intimidation. there is of course also harassment, rape, and the ready exploitation of my every thought. these fucking pieces of shit just police everything. who the fuck do they think they are?

the boids permit themselves the maximum conceivable amount of hypocrisy.
the herd was talking about their facebook, as they often do. I am not allowed to even join such conversations, because they'll have to grimly remind me that I have deleted the entire herd from my account. they bring this up at every opportunity. and my reasons for deleting the herd of course don't matter. in fact, the herd denies any of its actions have even taken place. and so, the record will show that I have simply just deleted the entire herd from my account, and so have actually given them a good reason to reject me this time. when they rejected me in the first place, there must have been a good reason for that too. but the boids of course permit themselves anything. then they also permit themselves to just completely deny any of it even happened. all their actions are unitary, and then they completely deny all of it, and corroborate each other as a unit, which will be convincing enough an argument for any member of the universal herd. they still do that thing though where they pounce on me if I even say anything on facebook. and last time I tried adding someone, when I went outside everyone started barking at me. it's very convenient for them to immediately forget and deny anything they do. but if I ever do anything in retaliation, there is no end to my guilt, and no forgetting.

this is the context: I would be doing something that's none of anyone's business. that means fucking war. and the police state must utilize every fucking weapon at its disposal.

cops are just boids. yes, but boids are cops. and their hollowness is not their least weapon. they all do the same things at the same time, but they have no awareness of it. and they all talk about the same society, which is not this society. anything you do, they’ll become involved and try to destroy. they are made to show the truth, but they would be the ones to persecute you for saying the truth.

in a fascist collectivism, submission is achieved not only by means of an iron fist, but also through pressure to conform to the group. the mental-health system is a great merging of the two. its very aim is submission to the group, as it seeks to cure those who are singled out as being different. for this purpose, it uses force, confinement, drugging, and various forms of coercion and abuse. but this is not needed if the community exerts enough pressure on the individual to submit to its standards of normality.

when the herd is the police, being rejected by the herd amounts to more than just hurt feelings. in fascist regimes it’s just as much the role of the herd to pressure you into conformity as it is that of the state. the mental-health system is the epitome of this type of fascism. distancing yourself from the herd becomes something that’s persecutable by the herd as well as the system. if the views you express are not those of the collective, the herd can become ‘concerned’ about you. when the herd becomes ‘concerned’, that’s when they are willing to overlook your rights, such as your right not to belong to the herd.

they like to push me to corners, point their fingers, coerce, oppress, castrate, censor, and use lots and lots of brute force. if I ever get mad, they just say, but beware, we are a bunch of cops.

I feel bad when standing up for myself that the pieces of shit may pervert it into me saying anything good about any of them, at which point they'll become aggressive to punish me for them being pieces of shit.

just step right in and involve yourself in my life. it doesn't matter that I resist it every step of the way, what does anything I say matter? deaf blind brutes.

I keep making the error of doing anything or saying anything. the vampires have made it loud and clear: I will not be listened to and my rights will not be enforced. they will use their numerousness and their everywhereness and their identicalness against me and they will not relent. I will not be allowed to go anywhere and I will not be allowed to do anything. when I will do nothing they will pounce upon me until I must do something, and when I do something they will make sure I do not succeed and understand that I am not allowed to do anything. I will work, but I will have no money. I will learn my rights, but I will not have rights. I will fight, but I will be outnumbered. I will barricade my doors, but I will be pursued. I will pay attention, so I can be raped. I'll stop my senses, and I will be clubbed. I will be shunned. nothing I say will be listened to. but if there's something to exploit, or an experience of self doubt, there will be a horde of them ready to pounce on me and sink its fangs.

the insects keep swarming until they wear you down. the herd has every weapon at its disposal. there's unity, synchronicity, the police. be careful not to give away your secrets for them to expoloit! or they'll just have to know them without your consent. they have the advantage that they can tell you complete bullshit with the most sincere looking faces, because they themselves do not even know how full of shit they are. or they can take the 'we have concerns' approach (threats). they can tell you you are unwell, because it's against the rules of the game to actually talk about what's blatantly happening in front of you, as they never do except in rhymes and metaphors. so today I received a few minor bites, in the form of faces. when those without emotions pretend to have emotions, what am I to make of it? they can't be criticizing something having to do with the truth, or they wouldn't be pretending to have emotions. if they're criticizing something having to do with bullshit, then there's no reason they should know what I look like (or who I am). they just wanted to bite, that's all. it may give me some pleasure if someone took a match and just set all these vampires on fire.

the more I reflect on my many encounters with the molesting vampires, the more I realize there is just nothing to them, they are just pieces of shit, that's it, they are there to be pieces of shit, they should just go away.

maybe we should have a herd-police: join the herd, or get arrested!
wait, that's already there. I was forced on medication because I was being untalkative. and cops just start watching me more closely whenever I stray from the herd. I was once stopped by a cop because I deleted my facebook account. now, after posting hundreds and hundreds of my artworks everywhere (without getting a cent, any response, or anyone listening to what I have to say), I deleted a few. now police cars slow down whenever they pass by me.
who will protect me from the police? the herd? who will protect me from the herd? the police?
they are one and the same.

when the ants start to gather around me, I must devote my time to making them go away. sometimes this works, until a short while later, when they've forgotten all about it. this keeps repeating, consistently, always.

so what's to criticize? let's see, well I'm blabbering. why am I blabbeing? well because my life is and must be devoted to the pieces of shit. I have been trying for years every god damned method of just making them go away. they don't. if I don't go to them, they come to me. that's the way it was, is, and forever shall be. so I should feel guilty for blabbering? I should not. or maybe I should feel guilty for justifying myself before the pieces of shit? well, that's the only thing I can think of blabbering about right now, and blabber I must, because my life is and must be devoted to the pieces of shit. I am now anticipating an harassment of some sorts, probably auditory. or they'll take advantage of me blabbering right now, and try to coerce me into blabbering more tomorrow. well, they'd be doing the same thing anyways, which is why I'm blabbering in the first place. this is indeed sad, but as I know from very long experience, my life is and must be devoted to the pieces of shit. there is no other way. as my every move must always be under a magnifying glass, next let us think how they will be trying to break my confidence. well, they can always just make faces. maybe really embarrassed faces, like: well, you really stepped out of line this time, you have made a complete fool out of yourself. you were overly forthcoming and just went on and on with all these things we just did not need to hear. I shall reply: my life is and must be devoted to the pieces of shit, there is no other way. or what did they do last year? well, they called me an actor. this does not make sense, since they are actors, and I am not. actually, it does make sense: they are actors... anyways, I don't act, I mean what I say, sometimes my mood changes, like I might be in a bad mood, then in a better mood later, that could happen. they however are exactly that. their very appearance is an act, and when they pretend to have emotions, well that's the feature presentation. so why am I writing for nobody? well, because I am here, and there is nobody, and as long as they keep sucking my blood, I will be writing, and for lack of options, I am writing for nobody.

sorry, I was interrupted by Big Brother there for a moment. and why have the pieces of shit not done anything about this? well because they are a bunch of flocking nazis who would much rather participate. if someone gets spied on 24-7, obviously the population should be killing whoever is doing the spying, but no, not this population, this population would much rather participate. so now someone will say: oh look! you're devoting too much time to the pieces of shit! you are giving them far too much power over you! well, I'll say what I knew well last year, and what I know even better now: there is no choice. my every moment must be devoted to the pieces of shit, if I wasn't writing this now, I would be sitting there watching their bites fester and grow. next time I go outside, it will be the same thing again. the pieces of shit. the pieces of shit. life is all about the pieces of shit. so let's see, last summer what happened? I was in much the same situation, and had already been trying for years every method conceivable to just get rid of the pieces of shit, and I already knew quite well: there is no way. if I take a backward direction, well, they'll follow me everywhere, they'll keep coming and coming and coming and biting and biting, and I will be retreating further and further into my corner. so I choose a forward direction. the only thing about that, is that they'll be playing judge and jury as they love so much, and they'll be criticizing my every move. whereas if I take a backward direction, they'll simply just admit to being pieces of shit and make fun of themselves in very unpleasant and overly obtrusive ways. (to be continued).

well, there is no choice: I will be devoting my life to the pieces of shit. I tried being silent for a while there, and they just became more vicious. I can't go outside for 5 minutes without being bitten, and when I come back the bites fester and grow. seeing as my every move is under a magnifying glass, let me then justify myself before the pieces of shit, who will then pretend to have read this. one option: when the bites begin to fester, I'll just sit there and watch them fester, in which case I'll begin to wonder what bites are for, and then I'll become someone who does not like being bitten because there is nothing I can do about it. another option: I will pretend there is something I can do about it and go with the rage and the poison. seeing as all they do is hurt me, I am not filled with desire to hurt myself. and from experience, it seems reasonable to assume that no mass genocide will be occuring any time soon, and so the best I can hope for is to try to breathe life into these zombies. of course I would prefer that they go away, but that never happens, and instead of retreating from their neverending barrage of bites, I will choose a forward direction and, for lack of options, I will be devoting my life to the pieces of shit.
am I yet justified in their eyes? never. what they want is for me to kill myself, but I will never do that, because with what life has done to me, and being unable to do anything to them, this is one of the very few things I have the power to do.

let's see, this week I'm being given the ol' teeth by 'people of my age group'. last week it was something else. notice how they always act as a unity, and notice how I refer to them as THE pieces of shit. funny how the herd targeting me this week is doing that thing where they're pretending to be offended, which is precisely the thing they have well proven they're incapable of. I'm trying to remember, was Resident Evil filmed in Thornhill?

I fear an entire herd population harassing me for everything I say, do, think, etc. and so I avoid putting up pictures of myself in any public domain. if they were to harass me anyways, they would be giving me a reminder that they in fact should not have any right to appear before me or be anywhere. when pieces of shit glare at me out of their cars, why can't they ever get into an accident? I have to read about that in newspapers, and about how everyone cares so so much when someone dies. this has nothing to do with the blood drinking vampires I have to encounter every time I dare step out of my house for a few minutes. the cold merciless pieces of shit that relentlessly try to drive me to kill myself, these are the pieces of shit that then get credit for caring so so much when bad things happen. when I open the newspaper and do not see that all these zombies and molestors have been eradicated, it makes me want to puke.

if I was famous, I would of course know about it. so there must be some other reason why everything that's happening is happening. this reason precludes the pieces of shit from having any opinion whatsoever, as they don't actually have any opinions, thoughts, or emotions. I would recommend that they be exterminated, as I do not want to see them when I go outside.

some can say whatever the fuck they want. I am not one of those. nevermind the speech police who may shut down my website (which hasn't happened yet). take someone like a stalker, who watches your every move and is extremely critical of anything you do/say. multiply that by everyone everywhere. if they were living things, they would certainly deserve to die.

see previous writings. one shouldn't have to ask even once for rights.

I'd hate to put the pieces of shit under a microscope or anything, but when you shun me, you also forfeit the right to criticize anything I do/say. and when you appear before me, nevermind make faces, you forfeit any claim to truth.

when you know what the pieces of shit want, it makes things simple.

when you don't get listened to, it makes you want to listen. coercion is not a lost road.

when they say something hypocritical, why is that a bite? when they say the most false thing imaginable, what makes that a bite? something to think about.

don't throw stones in a glass house

when the biting people act like they are testing you or judging your life, they are of course lying. if they turned to stones or pebbles, they'd still be lying. even vapour would still be a lie. I insist that they simply shouldn't be anywhere, which would be the most truthful thing they can do.

each time I step out of the house, it becomes more and more evident that the world is a tiny prison. so now the herd is calling me small (unanimously as they must), which I guess is their way of saying, look how we all say the same things, the world is a tiny tiny prison. that's the best I could make of it, unless I make the error of adopting their herd virtues such as: if you surround yourself with 'people', you become bigger. or, it is small of you to pick on the defenceless bulletproof little people, who take every opportunity they can to attack you and deceive you and convince you that you are guilty of their faults. I am far too magnanimous for constantly attributing them human qualities.

there could have been more, but the syndicate wouldn't have it. a game of baseball is always better.

if there was someone watching, they might notice that I get picked on a lot.

if only I could multiply myself by a million, pick someone, and make faces everywhere he goes. I don't need to say anything or make any arguments, just keep making faces, and eventually it will have to break his confidence, whatever that confidence is in relation to. this summer will be a replica of last summer, at the end of which I'll convince him he's guilty of something terrible which he's not guilty of, only to later admit that I was full of shit all along.

I try to avoid being around them - because everyone is the same. often I have no choice and, hm, I am reminded that everyone is the same.

land of the bizarre: denial is dissent, truth is conformity. you put yourself at the centre of that which you are the centre of, and you lose sight of what it is. you do nothing, and you fade.

they had an overwhelming obsession with involving themselves in his thoughts. they did it at any cost. (and denied it).

when they police everything I do around the clock, I often get so caught up in the fact that I'm living like this to see their self-deprecating humour. obviously our 'society' is acting in complete contradiction to everything it claims to be about, so their hypocrisy is obviously intentional. I must now learn to become more respectful of their privacy.

the assholazoids are everywhere. the assholazoids are everyone.

what does everyone have in common?
they are all the same.

when the lemmings take on human form, it makes me think that when they are being assholes, it's for completely different reasons than why they are being assholes. that is problematic because, when they tell me how to run my life, while acting like lemmings, and looking like humans, I don't know what to make of it.

we are all the same, every last one of us, it's true. Sorry for taking on the appearance of humans, it only aggravates the fact that we are all the same.

yes, the herd is rejecting you, over and over again. it doesn't matter that that's all it's ever done, this is one of those things you should be paying attention to.

They do not know how to not involve themselves in his life. Whatever he does - there they are in the middle of it. It is inconceivable for him to do anything without them in it. It is not the kind of involvement that would include not being shunned by the totality. It is the kind of involvement that's called - try to do something, and we'll forcefeed it to you. You want to have a friend? We'll shove so many people down your throat till you'll never want to see people again. You want recognition? We'll put you in a police state where you are watched and monitored around the clock. You want to be left alone? The totality of the entirety of everything will shun you. They have molded themselves into him and don't know how to peel off. He makes a joke - there they are to remind him that humour is not allowed: they violate this civil right or that, so that he is forced to stop with the humour, because it's kind of shitty when an entire society violates and rapes the fuck out of you on a daily basis for years, leaves no one to turn to because everyone is the same, tortures and degrades him and - arbitrarily arrests him every so often. Can't go on the street for the shamings and mobbings, can't communicate for the shunnings and abusings, can't be left alone for the rapings and policings, can't complain because everyone is deaf, indifferent, cold, and hopelessly the same.

Big Brother is watching you
-1984

I like pancakes
-Inland empire

x = oppressed. xs = simulacra of oppressed made into oppressor + the totality of all oppressors. x really doesn't have it so bad, except he can't leave the house or stay in the house without being swarmed and raped. he is sometimes too hard on xs, who feels no pain and does not exist. xs makes faces made to exploit x's every thought. now xs is using its absolute might to contradict the very truth it itself pointed to, because it does not like what x is thinking. xs is everywhere and perfectly synchronized. xs has a 'tell': they all do the same thing. The are all part of the same team. They say the same things, they act the same way, they seem to be playing the same game, they participate in the same eternally recurring phases of x's life. All signs point to: xs are not individuals. But they say they're individuals, and they make faces. Dilemma.

The Show's in town. I'm on the bus. The show is people. They're the show.