Last time when all doors were closing and all freedoms disappearing there was just a massive psychological crackdown on me by society to fulfill the requirement of further taking away my freedoms whenever my freedoms have been taken away to too much of an extreme (and so going by precedents I have no reason to assume that when all doors seal themselves shut and society is cracking down on you for ever more intimate details of your life, it necessarily means that they are preparing themselves to take this all the way and reduce you to ash once again by means of forcible hospitalization, as these same processes are able to just occur within society). Now I have ever more frequent incidents in public places where I’m given special treatment, of being taken advantage of in situations of being outnumbered, of details of my life unable to go without exploitation, etc. Whenever these things become more frequent, society becomes more of a prison. When large masses become ever more closely fixated on your every move, every detail of your life is ever more asphyxiated and every instance of you not doing what they want you to do is met with very many wanting to inflict retributions on you. In their context, there are famous people, to whom such masses can oblige and which such masses can treat as their possession, because they had given them lots of money in exchange for something. Not everyone with lots of money is designated for exploitation by masses in these ways, but those designated will be obliged on those rare occasions when the masses have to justify themselves at all. This is their context, and the society in which they’ll tell me I’m living, and the way I would perceive such a society.
In my life, mob justice is used to police me constantly. I’m not recognized as being famous, and everything I try to do for a living is just completely shunned. They enslave me and force me to devote my every moment to them, and the more evidence there is of this the more evident becomes their indifference and they just become more and more well attuned to details of my life that require policing the more there is for them to overlook regarding my treatment by society. It’s becoming increasingly rare for me to walk into any public place and not have some very unpleasant incident and not be given special treatment and not encounter personal retributions for details of my life and not have physical situations of being outnumbered exploited. Walking on the street is increasingly treated as a privilege and not a right, and is dependent on my relationship with those spying on my life. In interactions with them it’s becoming more and more rare to avoid unpleasant incidents and their mode of operation of picking on me and not relenting until I respond and taking advantage of every instance of me attempting to deal with them peacefully, denying it and switching context the instant I respond, and then targeting me for my response by whatever context they suddenly switch to, which allows me very little space to exist in their presence.
They operate against me as a collective. If I have problems with one, I will suffer retributions by another, and they don’t need to be connected to each other or to know each other, but every one of them will automatically take the side of every other when the one being collectively targeted has a problem with any of them. The logic of one being mistreated is to address the instance of being mistreated, while the logic of one being collectively targeted is to be fair to or cautious of anyone by whom they hadn’t been mistreated during any instance of being mistreated.
They reject you endlessly so they can force you to deal with them, they force you to deal with them so they can take any opportunity to reject you, they pick on you and do not relent so they can target you for your reaction the instant you react, they create massive problems for you so you’ll be forced to stand up to them, and they destroy your ability to stand up to them so they can return to creating the massive problems they were creating in the first place that forced you to stand up to them. They exercise every double standard against you and are set on targeting you everywhere you go, and then anything you want you have to go through them to get, and they constantly ensure this by going out of their way not to allow anything in your life to succeed.
And so, now that things are more restricted than they have been in quite a while and I am pressed from every direction and have come to learn that any standing up to anything only opens the door for further targeting by large masses because they are just so indifferent and such Nazis, and I’m simply not permitted to do anything and these pieces of shit just police my every move as a society and allow fewer and fewer places where I can be, while as a result I must feel ever more gratefulness for any instance of me being permitted to get from one point to another without suffering some harsh consequence, while I don’t want to concern myself with rights all the time and yet the instant I let down my guard in any way large masses immediately lunge for every right they are able to take from me, I am reminded of the logic by which they operate: if they have taken away too many of your freedoms, it means that they have now gotten an increased taste for taking away your freedoms. And I have to constantly think like someone that’s being tyrannized over by a relentless mob, because I am such someone, and every so often it’s just that time again when the fist of the mob has to come crashing down.
I’m also expected to define myself according to their methods, which means that if they treat my writings as instructions and nothing else, there is no sense in writing, and if I stand up to anyone that’s picking on me they’ll just wait for the first opportunity when they can take this out of context and use this to cut down anything that ever goes well in my life. This means that I am simply not permitted to stand up to a society that’s targeting me, and any standing up to them can only have the effect of being used against me and further policing me and absolutely nothing else. As a living thing I find it impossible to live by this logic.